I currently have a client whose 65- year- old mom unexpectedly dropped dead. She was very close to her mom and since that day our sessions have centered on her grieving her tremendously traumatic loss. Inspired by her realness in expressing her grief, I chose to write this reminder for our newsletter.
Grief is the process you go through as you adjust to losing someone or something special to you. There are no words to describe the pain you are feeling. You may even feel like your loss is more than you can bear. You will find, however, there is something deep within you that is ready to help you survive the things you think you cannot survive.
For those of you, who are grieving, remember that grief is an individual thing. It can be emotionally and physically exhausting. It will most likely challenge your beliefs about what in life is fair and where you are with your spirituality. Remember that you do not get over your loss; you can only get through it. Remember that your friends, no matter how close, cannot feel your loss in the same way you do. Tell others how they can help you. Do not compare your grief to others or how others you know have dealt with their grief. Ignore those who offer easy answers like- it was all for the best, as that only cheapens your right to grieve. Allow yourself to be mad, sad, indecisive, alone when you need to be, confused, and all the other crazy emotions that will emerge from that empty space in your heart.
For all those grieving, take your time. There is no rush and no prescribed amount of time that your grieving will/should last. The most pressing question for me from my client was -“Will this way I am feeling get better or does it stay this way forever?” I tried to share that it does not get better, it gets different. You are a different person now and you will interact with the world and others in a different way. In Tear Soup, a wonderful book on loss, the lead character answers that question by saying: “grief, like a pot of soup, changes the longer it simmers and the more things you put into it.”
Regardless of where you are in your grief process; if talking about your loss would be helpful to you, come see us at VCC. A hug and comforting presence is always here waiting for you.