American society is built on the notion of rugged individualism. Our pioneer heritage has led us to believe that we can go it alone and find success. Mix in the pop psychology that tells us to consider our own needs before the needs of others, and we have the makings of marital discord.
In my practice as a psychologist, I have counseled hundreds of married couples struggling to keep their relationships together. Often, the situation feels hopeless to those who have been dealing with entrenched problems. But if both parties are willing to try a new way of living together Â– a lifestyle of Oneness that reflects the unity that God intended Â– marriages can be turned from hurtful to healthy. While it may seem impossible, it is not.
I. A marriage of Oneness is healthy, peaceful, connected, exciting and passionate.
We canÂ’t experience life without good health. A healthy marriage reflects Oneness.
Peaceful Â–Happiness may come and go, but peace can be a sustaining lifestyle, even when we disagree. A peaceful marriage is one in which arguments are rare and resolved relatively quickly, while going through that process of moving from disagreement to unity makes both spouses better. The peaceful couple learns from their innate differences and goes forward with greater understanding. Jesus was Prince of Peace. He speaks to us all and can bring peace into each personÂ’s life.
When a marriage is connected in Oneness, a special, unspoken bond exists between two people. They enjoy and adore one another and act as a team. Their communication is positive, peaceful, and bent on understanding. They monitor their relationship like a thermostat monitors temperature in a home, and when things are off Â– too cold, too hot Â– they are aware and take action to restore that connection. They connect day to day in ways to show each other they care. Both spouses respect and understand each otherÂ’s strengths and weaknesses and build each other up.
In a marriage of Oneness, the couple enjoys spending time together, sharing activities that reflect their personal interests and being non-sexually intimate. When they are apart physically or emotionally, they canÂ’t wait to reconnect. They have learned how to excite the other person and hit that Â“love button.Â”
A marriage of Oneness expresses physical affection, with a healthy, regular and frequent sex life and lots of affection out of the bedroom. They hold hands, embrace and communicate with intimate physical touch. They are passionate about helping each other find enjoyment and satisfaction in life and support one anotherÂ’s healthy activities and personal passions. They take action to make each other feel excited, alive and purposeful.
II. We were created for Oneness, more than we know.
People are wired to have Oneness relationships with
All humans are created to have Oneness with God. We continually seek that Oneness in everything we do. When we donÂ’t seek Oneness with God, we are open for pain, disappointment, despair, hurt, and loneliness.
When we seek Oneness with God, He helps us understand how he made us, why weÂ’re here, and our purpose on earth. When our way is GodÂ’s way, things work toward peace, regardless of whether itÂ’s really the way we think or want it to be. When we trust His way, HeÂ’s right there guiding, encouraging, and rewarding us. When we trust our own way, weÂ’re on our own Â– alone, frustrated, lost, helpless.
God created a void in the soul that requires a
committed, love relationship of Oneness with another from the opposite sex.
Established by God, a marriage is intended to have Oneness as its key foundational component. We each have a continual yearning for Oneness with God and with another. God wired us to experience the completion of that relationship circuit through the Oneness of marriage Â– a committed, lifelong dance between one man and one woman. Meeting the challenge of meeting our spouseÂ’s unique needs makes us more complete, well-rounded individuals who are better able to know, love, serve and be blessed by God.
Stay tuned for Part 2 of this article in our March newsletter.